Living

Fire Prevention In Your Home

According to The United States Fire Administration (FEMA) “Fire is everyone’s fight’, and it should be especially important as homeowners and head of households to comply with fire safety standards and make safety around the home a priority.

The National Fire Protection Association’s reports about fire and its consequences are alarming. According to their information, between the year 2012-2016, there were an approximate 355,400 home fires, 11,670 civilian injuries, 2560 civilian deaths and $6.5 billion in damages due to these fires.

Home fire prevention can be very simple. The worry of being the victim of a fire in your home is always present, but it’s not too worrisome. As a consequence, we grow careless and let things that are dangerous creep into our lives. Preventing a fire is about being diligent about safety precautions, but more importantly, it can save the lives of your family, your pets and your property.

What are some of the basic safety precaution you and your family can follow? There is a long list of little and big things you can do if you want to check online, but here are some of the most important ones you can follow to keep your home and family safe.

Install smoke detectors in every room of the house, but especially in the kitchen. Make sure the smoke detectors are less than 10 years old, the batteries are changed frequently and make sure the smoke detectors are tested frequently to make sure they are working properly.
Cooking Safety, Keep papers and other flammable items away from the stove. Oven mitts, kitchen towels, paper towels should not be left on the stove or close to the burners. Do not leave the stove on with unattended cooking pots on it, keep small children away from boiling pots.
Carbon Monoxide Detectors should be placed at every level of the house. They become more important during the winter months when the house is closed more securely and outside air is minimal. Carbon monoxide is an odorless, colorless gas that can be fatal if inhaled.
Candles and oil lamps should be used carefully. Extinguish the candles’ flame or oil lamps when you go to bed and keep them away from small children and pets. The candles and oil lamps should never be left unattended. This useful habit can help you prevent a fire that can get out of control within minutes.
Electrical safety is usually a topic many homeowners do not think too much about. We are more concerned about preventing fires that are the result of carelessness or accidents than electrical fires. But, electrical fires should be a concern for us. Frayed, and cracked electrical cords are a hazard that can start a fire without you being home. Old appliances with old cords can short circuit and start a fire within minutes. Appliances big or small should be plugged directly into the wall outlets to help prevent a fire in the home.

Fires are preventable. Being careful and using common sense can help you keep your family safe.

Summer Home and Vacation Savings

Vacation Saving Tips (If You Are Driving)

As the time to start planning your summer vacation approaches, gas prices are going up. It happens every year in anticipation of the travel season. Even if money is not an issue for you, these tips will help you be good to the environment, and help you save for other things you want to do with that money.

1. Shop around – Some of the best apps for your iPhone that are free and can save you money right away are:

a) GasBuddy
b) AAA Mobile
c) Gas Guru

2. Use Apps to help you with traffic and rerouting trips to avoid traffic jams, accidents or

a) Waze
b) Route4Me
c) inRoute

3. Check your vehicle’s tires. Having a well maintained car will help you save on gas. The efficiency of your vehicle on the road depends on how well maintained you have kept your car all year round.

4. Follow the speed limit signs. Even when you have a long road ahead, driving at the speed limit posted can save you money on gas. Driving slower and at a consistent speed burns less fuel, and if traveling for a long trip, use your cruise control to keep a consistent and moderate speed.

5. Keep it light – Excessive baggage or a roof box cargo can make gas consumption a bit expensive. Keeping your windows and sunroof close will reduce the drag, making you car more aerodynamic.

Home Saving Tips

Many of the new homes have excellent windows, new roofs, new air conditioning units, etc. Everything is new and working properly. But, if you have an older home and are looking to save energy and money, what are some of the energy saving tips that will also save you money?

Replacing your old air conditioning unit is not something we do frequently, they last a long time and they are expensive. But, if you have an old unit, the efficiency is not longer there. The electric bill is probably not a pretty sight every month, so replacing the unit is probably the only solution that can save you money in the long run.
Replacing old Windows – The draft you feel as you get close to a window or door is heat leaving your home and making your gas or electric bill higher than it should be. Replacing old windows or doors can save you money in heating bills and add value to your home.
Keeping the temperatures in your home at comfortable levels can save you money. Too cold in the summer months and too warm in the winter can add hundreds of dollars a year. Try a difference of a couple degrees and see if you feel a difference in your comfort level and notice the difference in your bill.
Turning off the lights in your home and appliances or other electronic devices that nobody is using saves electricity and money.
Remind your children that the water in the home is not heated by the sun. A short shower can save water and electricity and hundreds of dollars a year.

By using some of these tips, you will not only save money but will help the environment as well.

5 Ways To Improve Your Life AND Cut Expenses

The first thing we need to do is agree that some of the things in this article are not going to be more fun. When I write, “Improve Your Life” I mean in a healthy way, not in a binge drinking frat party way. The real key to this article is if follow all of these things, you should save many thousands of dollars per year and also be healthier and happier.

Next I want to say I got this information from all over. We reference some things, in other cases you can do a search and find different numbers from different sources. This is not a scientific research paper – just an interesting article on how to save money while improving your life.

Cold Showers

Your first reaction might be “Hell no!” but give me a moment. There are a lot of people that swear by cold (or colder) showers because they have significant benefits and they save you money. Cold showers have been associated with increases Alertness, Refines Hair and Skin, Improves Immunity and Circulation, Stimulating Weight Loss, Speeding Up Muscle Soreness and Recovery, Easing Stress and Relieving Depression. I have also heard that taking a cold shower when you cannot go to sleep and getting in bed right away will put you in a great, deep sleep if you have trouble with that kind of thing.

So fine, it is good for you if you can hack it. But does it save you a lot of money? I found a calculator for shower costs online here. I did an example where I did a colder, shorter shower and a longer, hotter shower and compared the cost. Turns out a family of 4 would save $478.50 in a year. Not bad – and good for you.

Drink Less

Well, this is already starting to sound really sucky. Take cold showers and stop drinking. But in 2018 more evidence has been steadily coming out that the whole 1-2 drinks a day are good for you thing is not really true. Women should have much less than that and even men should only be have a couple a week. I found another calculator that will help you see how much you are spending weekly on alcohol. And remember, it is not as good for you as you have been lead to believe.

In this very reasonable example, I have used this calculator and estimated a $1,872 annual expense per person. If you live in a big city and like to go out with friends or coworkers a lot you are spending a lot more than this in fact.

Eat Less

The average American consumes more than 3,600 calories daily. This is a 24% increase from 1961, when the average was just 2,880 calories. A man needs around 2,500kcal a day to maintain his weight with a healthy , balanced diet. Woman need around 2,000kcal a day. These values can vary depending on age, metabolism and physical activity, among other things. Body builders and professional swimmers should not try this at home.

With all of this in mind, we simply eat too much – and food costs money. We eat 37.5% too much food to be exactish.

How much money does the average person spend on food per month? This figure varies based on age and income level. Assuming you are middle class and a fairly young adult, it is $173 per week times 52 weeks which equals $8,996 in annual food costs. Now if we cut that back by 37.5%, we would be saving $3373.50 per year per person. And you would also save money on health care as it would reduce the likelihood of many weight related diseases.

This gets even crazier when you consider Forty percent of food in the United States is never eaten, amounting to $165 billion a year in wasted food, according to a report from the Natural Resources Defense Council. This would figure that you might be throwing away 40% of the groceries. If you are someone throwing away a lot of food, plus eating 37% more calories than you need, it means 75% of your groceries could be wasted or eaten when they should not be.

Cook More

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2014, the average American household spent $2,787 on restaurant meals and takeout, compared to $3,971 on groceries. But in 2015, the average amount spent on restaurants and takeout jumped $221 to $3,008. Grocery spending, by contrast, increased just $44 per household to $4,015.

We all know that restaurant food tastes great. It is higher in sodium, bacon fat, fried breading and slathered in butter or some delicious sauce. If you learn to make good, healthy meals at home and cut the restaurants, you can save money and be healthier very easily. Going out no more than once a week should cut that restaurant bill in half or less, saving approximately $1,500 a year and

Walk or Bike More Short Trips

In 2017, the average household made 1.5 trips per week to grocery store. Most likely these were done driving. As mentioned above in the article, chances are you have too much food in your home already so going 6 times a month is too much. But instead of saying “You can’t go” let’s say you can only go on bike or walking unless you are going for a big run that should only happen 2-3 times per month.

Walking and biking are great exercise and if you really want something, just make yourself go on foot. Chances are the craving will not be worth it if you have to walk there.

By using this strategy you will help yourself cut down on those food and alcohol expenses mentioned above while also saving gas and car maintenance. AAA estimates that it costs 58 cents per mile to operate a car. Of that 58 cents, only around 11 cents is in gas. The other 47 cents goes for expenses like, maintenance, insurance and depreciation.

So if you cut down on short trips by walking or riding your bike more, you could save several dollars on each trip and get better fit and buy less crap. Putting a savings tag on this is harder but let’s say you cut $5 a week in car expenses plus another $10 per week in stuff you do not buy on a whim. That is small but would add up to $780 saved in a year.

All told, all of these things would make you healthier. And I certainly do not mean to imply to never take a hot shower or have a glass of wine again. But the little daily things add up to huge savings and health benefits. Let’s recap.

In one year, a family of 4 average people can save the following:

Cold Showers: $478.50
2 Adults In Family Cut Drinking: $3,774
Eating Only Recommended Calories for Family of 4: $13,494
Eating Out Maximum 1 time per week: $1,500
Walking more and driving less: $780

This is all based on averages, different sources and fuzzy math. We are just having fun here. But this would suggest these changes could save an average family of four $20,026.50 per year. Your results will vary. But that is a lot of savings and health benefit.

If this all seems a little extreme, remember to start small and no one says you have to go to this level. Shorter showers and less restaurants alone could save you some cash. Make it work for you. This is just an example of how you can imagine a different life.

Five ways to make your child more intelligent

People have always wondered if intelligence is inherited or something that we adapt and polish with time! As a kid my mum made me do a lot of mental math, spatial learning exercises, and many more similar activities. She aimed to boost my intelligence, though I was never sure how effective they were. One thing is for sure, I am able to think on my feet and multitask well.

Now growing up and become a mother to a four-year-old, I adopted the same practices, but in my opinion, the results were not like the ones I was expecting. I started dreading that maybe my child is a slow learner! This led me to research and read up a lot just to clear my doubts about the kind of learner my daughter was. I came across some really interesting facts.

There are no slow learners in reality! (surprised?)
Every brain is equally gifted. Though the gifts may differ.
Our circumstances and environment play a crucial role.
Inherent qualities do exist, but again it’s our environmental setup that impacts the actual growth.

Tips and Exercises to boost our Intelligence

Through my research, I understood one thing, there are no slow learners. Each brain has its capabilities and how much we utilize or make the child utilize the brain gives us the actual level of intelligence. The genetics do come into play but they only have around 15% impact, the rest can all be honed.

The methods that can be employed are simple yet scientifically backed, and they can help in making our children able to use a larger part of their brains.

1. Work on their concentration span.

Children have a very short span of attention. They need to learn to focus. Children who have better attention spans have better working memories. An age old trick of staring at a single spot on the wall can be helpful in increasing the attention span. Also, doing activities and playing games that help in improving memory can help the working the memory and this also helps them perform better in class and makes them confident.

2. Make your child sleep better.

Today, the problem that we face with our children is their lack of sleep. They are exposed to a lot of gadgets throughout the day. Their bodies absorb light from these gadgets, and their biological clock informs them that their body system should wait for few more hours before shutting down. This way they stay awake for a long time and never get the required sleep hours. When a child has rested enough, his brain is fresh to absorb newer concepts and ideas.

3. Encourage your child.

Boosting your child’s morale will help your child become confident and encouraged to try newer things. But make sure you don’t go overboard as it can instil a sense of superiority and overconfidence in a child. Also, praise things they worked on, not things that came easily. A confident child is bound to try newer things and explore. The experiences help broaden the mind. Never snub or discourage your child in public. It shatters their self-confidence as they feel humiliated in front of their peers. This makes them clam-up and shut their minds.

4. Talk to your child.

This is very important! All the efforts that you are making on your full time or part time job is to make sure that your child has a great future. But what is the point when you are not able to give them time? A neglected child will ultimately wallow in his loneliness and become miserable. Give your child time. Discuss things with them and listen to their opinions and views and then guide them to the right and wrong. When you discuss their curiosity with them, you are expanding the horizons for them. If you wait until they are older, it may be too late as they are already used to not sharing things with you.

5. Challenge your child.

It is important that you allow your child to solve his problems, but keep a watchful eye. For example, if a ball rolls down under the bed, instead of you retrieving it, allow your child to do it himself/herself. They will learn to solve their problems and devise solutions that can help them resolve problems on their own.

My Experience

I started with making a proper sleep routine for my daughter, and gradually I noticed things falling into place. By empowering her to make decisions herself, she started feeling more confident. A happy child is a successful child; this is the mantra as parents we should be understanding. But surely we should keep in mind that fulfilling all whims is not the key; we should try to make them happier by giving love and support.

Boost Your Gym Consistency

It is common for people to sign up for a gym membership and go for a short while and then fall off. The fact is, you cannot get results going less than once a week. And three times a week is kind of a minimum for making progress. This article is not the ideal advice – we are assuming you are struggling with getting to the gym enough and we want to give you some realistic life hacks to get to the gym more frequently and get the results you want.

But first let me say, we have a list of things to try and you should not try them all at once. Chances are, one or two of these will be enough for you to accomplish your goals. The list is longer because different gym strategies will work for different people.

Meet a Friend – One common strategy is to work out with someone on a regular basis. I actually am committed to taking my teen age daughter 3-5 times a week, which has forced me to go. You could meet a friend there and talk while working out. The fact is, you are far more likely to go not going will disappoint someone else.

Do a Program – Whether you do Zumba or Spin, showing up for a class is easier than just popping in at random times. Even if the class is not that challenging, it gets you there and you can more easily go early or stay late and do some extra things.

Make It an Appointment – Time is often the excuse not to go. Don’t think of the gym as an extra. Think of it as a doctor’s appointment.

Go the Same Time Every Day – If your schedule is fairly fixed, you should also fix the time you work out each day. The less you need to think about it and juggle things the more likely you will go.

Go No Matter What on Assigned Days, Even for 15 Minutes – This works wonders for me. As long as I am not ill, I go on my gym days no matter what, even if I feel too tired or too busy. I give myself the option to leave after 15 minutes on the treadmill. I cannot tell you how many times this has worked (a lot) because once there, doing only 15 minutes is silly.

Keep a Log – You can do this electronically or on a paper chart. Track key metrics important to you. How many times you go. How long you stay. How many miles you run. Key personal measurements. A log will encourage you to want to beat last week, or at least not do less.

Appreciate the Results – Depending on your current condition and your body, you might be seeing results in as little as a few trips to the gym. I see better arm definition after 3 arm days, for example. Don’t be shy. Check it out. Show friends. Appreciate the results to encourage you to keep at it.

Hire a Trainer – Working with a trainer once a week might work for you if it motivates you to go the other days and put in the work. Unfortunately, like piano lessons, this depends on your personality and how honest you are with your trainer. You cannot just show up for the weekly session and skip training the rest of the week.

Have a Backup Plan – For days where something comes up and you absolutely cannot go to the gym, have a few weights or a medicine ball at home and do the reps. This way you do not let your body down.

Reward Yourself – Figure out something (could be small weekly or bigger monthly) as a reward if you go the minimum number of times to the gym. This only works if you absolutely follow the rules. For example, if you missed one session because of something that came up that was important, make it up a different time or day, or do not reward yourself, no matter how good the reason was.

Use a Fitness Tracker – There are expensive fitness trackers and inexpensive ones. Just because you cannot afford an iWatch is not a reason not to get a simpler step tracker and keep track of steps daily. If fact, it is probably built into your phone if you buy a strap and keep it on when you are running or walking.

Think Like a Gym Rat – You have heard the expression, fake it till you make it. Well, you have seen those people walking around looking like they own the gym. Adopt an attitude like you are a part of the gym culture and look and act confident. Eventually you have a stronger sense of belonging and will enjoy going more. (We are not endorsing being a gym jerk. Just a confident member)

Have a Gym Playlist – Have a list of music you listen to when at the gym that makes you feel great and gets you pumped up. This will positively reinforce your time at the gym and if you choose your music wisely it can help you work out better and get more excited about the results you are going to start seeing.

Break Glass In Case Of Emergency – If you start to let things slip, you need to have a plan to recognize it and take corrective action. For example, if you miss a full week, what are you going to do to re-jump-start your fitness routine? Know when it is slipping and know what action to take to stop the slide.

This is a big list of things you can do to improve your attendance at the gym. Most of these are hacks to help you form a habit that has previously been hard to form. Over time, you may be able to let go of some of the hacks because your habit of working out is very well established.

Participate In Your Community By Joining a Board

People often do not realize that many local organizations have boards who meet regularly to help with organizational issues or keep track of the finance and operational goals. Nearly all non profits have boards. Schools all have boards. Communities have boards or councils. Mental health organizations have boards. Large corporations have boards, but you might be surprised to find out that smaller companies and even startups have boards.

Qualifications are going to vary greatly based on the board and what the leader and the current board members are looking for, but you might be surprised to find you are just what they are looking for. For example, a mental health board is not going to be made up of all psychologists usually. Instead, they will often be made up of people in the community who care about mental health. They will bring their varied talents to the table to help look at things from different perspectives.

Boards typically meet once a month but it could be more or less. Some are paid positions, and many are voluntary. Some voluntary positions do pay a small stipend to cover expenses. At a minimum, they typically feed you at the meeting and it offers a chance to give back to the community and learn about a topic in more detail. It also improves your skills and knowledge in the area.

Typically a board is either an elected position in the broad sense, such as needing to be on a ballot and get elected. Think city councils and public school boards. Other positions are typically by vote of existing board members. One person might bring you in and if you and the board agree it is a good fit they vote and make you a member.

Board sizes can be from a small group of 5 or 6 up to a large group of 30 or more. The larger the group the longer the meetings may go if everyone likes to talk and ask questions.

So how do you get on a board?

To begin, know what area you are interested in. If it is entrepreneurship, you will want to try to get on a startup board. If it is education, a school board. If it is mental health, then a mental health board.

Next you can use Google and LinkedIn and find existing organizations that match your interest. Look on their website and see if they list board members. Call or email and inquiry about open board positions. Ask if you can attend a board meeting. Have your resume polished up and ready in case they ask for it.

And keep circling back around. If a board is full when you contact them make sure they know you would like to be considered for a position in the future. Then follow up regularly, maybe quarterly, to see if positions have opened up.

Unless you are very familiar with the industry and how boards operate, begin by listening a lot and asking questions after the meetings. New visitors and board members sometimes try to do too much too soon, and it can be difficult. The first six months or more will most likely be learning and absorbing all the stuff they are doing.

Being a board member in any community organization is very rewarding. It can lead to new friends, new opportunities and a real sense of helping people.

Totally Free Family Activities (No Devices Involved)

I bet you have not thought of all these five different ways to do really fun things with your family without spending money. We all like to go and spend money at the movies or in restaurants but you can’t do that every day and be fiscally responsible. Especially when you have small kids, you need to be planning ahead for college, for the car when they are a teenager, and all the other expenses that will come up with raising kids.

Number one is obvious. Going to local parks when the weather is nice is an easy way to get out and have a lot of fun with your kids. As the runaround on playgrounds they’re getting more fit and having a good time and likely making friends. If your kids are little bit older you can still pull this off by taking a frisbee, hacky sack or a soccer ball to the field and working on physical skills with them.

Number two is often overlooked. It is going to all the fantastic free events near where you live that you are probably not even aware of. Colleges, high schools, middle schools and churches have a events all the time open to the public and free of charge or sometimes they charge a small fee. This could be music, dance performances, theater, or other group activities or performances. Many colleges require students to do performances for their classes and these are often available for free. And having young kids start making noise in a free middle school performance is not as embarrassing as having them throw a fit at the symphony.

Another idea few people bother to do is organize in their own clinic around a sport or activity. For example, your child might like tennis but there are no tennis camps. If you can find a few other families interested in tennis then you can organize a weekly tennis get together and work on your skills. You don’t have to be a coach to develop basic skills and practice. This could be for any sport or other kinds of group activities. You could organize a Spanish club, hiking club, art club or a coding in group. And if you are organizing, this could actually make some money for you if you charge a small fee to the other participants.

But if you don’t want to organize events like this you can also depend on your local library to have many things that are free and open to the public and great to do as a family. I know locally you can go see movies at the library on certain nights as well as go to art classes, story time, and book groups. I’ve never seen any of these things cost any money.

Lastly a great way to get out and have some fun and not spend any money is to go on a nature walk or a hike. But to make it more interesting for kids consider making a treasure hunt. Decide what things you’re going to hunt for and mark them off the list or take pictures of them when you see them. They could be things like the bluebird or an acorn or are yellow car.

By making a treasure hunt it becomes far more interesting and it can even become competitive. This is not much different from the old travel bingo games people used to keep the kids entertained in the car before iPads and entertainment systems.

These are just some of the ideas you can do to get out and have fun and not spend any money while entertaining your kids getting exercise or developing a skill. It doesn’t matter where you live because things like this are going to be available in your area. These are just common things in most communities. The key is the call around and find out what’s going on and talk to people and find all these great things available to you. Now get out there and enjoy them.

Helping Your Student With His Writing

Writing, for many students is a painstaking chore that they would rather not do. Many teachers complain that students do not even know how to write an introduction, let alone a whole essay.

For many students writing a term paper, the complications begin with vocabulary they need to use to convey their thoughts and ideas. Using adjectives, adverbs and pronouns become a problem if the student doesn’t know the definition nor their usage.

A student that needs to write a descriptive and coherent paper, should be able to use an array of words that are not repetitive, or boring.

How can you help?

Working with your student, try to use synonyms that will make the writing easier to read and will expand the student’s vocabulary. Choose words that are synonyms but are not as widely used. For example, the list below shows an abridged list of some adjectives that will make your student’s writing more mature without making it too difficult for him/her to write. Start with these simple changes, and your student will begin writing a better paper in the future with little difficulty.

Use This	Instead of this
Dreadful, rough	bad
Pleasant	nice
Extreme	real
Worthwhile	good
Vicious	mean
Raging	Very strong
Spacious	large
Tiny	Very little
strenuous	hard
Courteous	nice

What if the vocabulary is not the problem? Writing can become a habit and you can make it happen. Setting a specific time to do writing every day can start the change and become an enjoyable subject for your student. Writing essays, letters and short stories can give your student the needed practice he needs. Choose topics that seem to trigger a positive response from your student, then you can change those topics to more complex ones. Begin slowly, with perseverance you and your student will achieve your goals.

Boost a Positive Mindset

There is nothing more frustrating than to be in a negative mood and have people tell you to be more positive. It is not just a switch you can flip. Imagine telling someone “Be more rich” or “Be more athletic” – it takes steady effort over time. Instead of telling you the one secret to being more positive, we have come up with 10 ways to improve your positive mindset.

Get Physical – Doing more exercise is well known to improve your mood and boost positive thoughts. Once may not do the trick, make it a habit.
Change Your Reading Habits – Where you are getting your news is going to affect your mood. If you are reading, listening or watching negative news all the time, you cannot also have positive thoughts. Reduce consumption or find a source with more happy topics.
Change The Time You Spend With People – You will often here that you should get rid of negative relationships. But you cannot always do that. What you can do, at least, is lesson the impact they have on you by limiting time and interactions with people who bring you down.
Swap In Positive Activities for Wasted Time – Neutral activities, like unwinding in front of the TV at night, can be turned into mood boosters by swapping that time for more active activities, such as hobbies, time with friends, learning a new language, etc.
Get More Social – Speaking of friends, more social people are usually happier and live longer.
Develop a Positive Mindset With Stoicism – Stoicism is a simple philosophy that helps you deal with daily challenges and focus on what you can control and reduce how much other things bother you. To get started, sign up for the Daily Stoic.
Ask Your Significant Other To Support Your Effort To Improve – If you have a good relationship with someone you respect and can be honest with, work together to point out negative thoughts and comments and try to focus on more positive things. The buddy system will help you both reinforce a change in focus.
Get Away From Electronics More – Be more aware of your surroundings, nature, people and things happening in the real world. This means less time with your nose pointed at a device. Time to think, away from online and email, will help you be more creative and more positive.
Leave Work at Work – Do you have a stressful job? Practice leaving work at work. If you go home and discuss and think about problems at work every day, you need to practice leaving work at work OR find a new job that does not have negative consequences in your life outside of the hours you are paid.
Clean Up Your Diet – Positive moods are difficult when you feel sluggish and you are out of shape. Eat cleaner, healthier food more often. Cook more. Then give yourself a cheat day to eat those bad things you miss. Your mood will lift with the accomplishment of disciplined better eating as well as the well-earned cheat day where you eat your old favorites.

Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen

I have always said the age of 7-12 is perfect. You can do all kinds of fun things with your kids, and they have not usually started the process of abandoning you in favor of their friends. As you hit the dreaded teenage years, you will most likely need to change and reconsider your relationship. It will gradually become more of a “team them” and your role can stay very positive if you see yourself as a coach, and less of an authoritarian parent.

Let’s explore some ideas on how to keep a positive relationship even while they start to break off and become their own person.

1. Set Goals Together

If you set clear goals that are THEIR goals, you can help them achieve things they want to achieve. This is going to be more of a symbiotic relationship versus trying to impose your goals for them on them.

2. Be Strict Where It Matters

As they get older, be strict when you need to be on things that align with their goals, but do not try to force less important things on them. For example, they are 16 and you still try to make them play an instrument they do not wish to play or get straight A’s when their goal is to go to a community college? Maybe B’s and giving up music are appropriate at this point. When they set the goals, it is easier to say you are just helping them achieve their goals.

3. Do Something With Them That They Enjoy

Find common interests and activities that are positive that they would still like to do with you. Maybe hiking, yoga, reading… the kind of things they would not easily do with their friends because it is not universally enjoyed by everyone. (Movies are just not going to be as fun with a parent, sorry)

4. Lean, Don’t Shove

Assuming you do not have any major issues that require forceful intervention, having a strategy of leaning on them, instead of shoving them in the direction you would like to go is very advantageous to maintaining a good relationship with your teen and helping them become good people.

Use positive reinforcement.
Assist when they need something oriented towards their goals.
Send them the occasional article that reinforces what they want to achieve.
Talk about the difficulties of adulthood and how certain things make life easier (better education, good job, health and fitness, etc.)
Watch the occasional great documentary with them.

5. Use Vanity, Greed and Pride

Lastly, try to pay attention to nature. At some point your kids will want to look good, have more money and feel good about themselves. Instead of just giving them what they want consider using these developing feelings as motivators for them to do more things themselves. This requires you to pay attention to what they find meaningful and lean on improving that area.

Of course, this article is for people who are lucky and do not have significant behavioral or addiction problems. If you have serious issues, get help. The sooner you address it the more likely to improve things and get back on track.

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